....staying up late on Christmas Eve has always been a family tradition in my house. As a child, my mom would do all of her baking on Christmas Eve night so my Aunt Roxie could have the kitchen during the day to finish preparing the huge Christmas meal for all of my aunts, uncle and cousins. My mom and my sister, Joan would be in there laughing and giggling all night long! They would sneak up (or down) stairs to get my presents and set them out. Then they would fall in bed, sometimes, just minutes before I woke up on Christmas morning.
That was their time together each year and both looked so forward to the holidays. They always planned a year in advance what they would do the next year. I would always be lying in bed, TRYING TO GO TO SLEEP, and dreaming about the year that I would get to hang out in the kitchen with Mama and Joan, while MY CHILDREN tried to sleep, put out presents and fall into bed eeeaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrly Christmas morning.
My time to share would not come to pass; Joan went home long before I married. Mama lived to see me marry, but not to carry on the tradition of staying up and putting out Santa. So I stay up late every Christmas, alone, and dream of days gone by. Turk said at breakfast that he wanted me to have everything I want for Christmas; unfortunately, he can never give me what I truly want and long for. Am I sad? Yes - every year it gets a little worse. Do I feel cheated? In some ways yes; my memories of huge family gatherings and Christmas dinners are just that. Memories. My children will not get to have that experience of being at Granny's house on Christmas, opening presents, the revolving door of extended family and visitors, mega food, merriment, songs and laughter.
So I create new traditions with my children - putting out cookies and snack for Santa, tracking his travels on the internet, a call from him while he's traveling, hot cocoa, watching Christmas movies and, finally, bed to anticipate what we might get this year. Me? I wrap presents, do some light cooking, put out Christmas surprises with my husband, watch a movie with him...all the while remembering Christmases gone by and all the fun that was had.
Mommy, Joan, Granny....I love you to pieces. I surround my space with your pictures so I can feel you presence on days like today....special occasions and holiday that you all loved so much. I miss your advice and words of wisdom - especially when I don't know what I'm doing. I know you guide me in everything because all three of you lead by example. I still want to be like you when I grow up.
No comments:
Post a Comment