Sit back and warm up your tea

. I've had my :

Someone asked me today, "Where did the name 'Brown' come from? No one in your family is named Brown!" When the children were younger, I had to make a decision of whether to post photos on social media or not. I was finally a parent, and I wanted to share with the world what Turk and I had achieved. So when I finally made my choice to post photos , I had to figure out a creative way to do it yet still protect their identities.

For many years I gave my 1st grade students nicknames (Snow Bunny, Little Bit, Lovebug, etc.) as terms of endearment. So when we brought Nich home, I just continued with that same thought process because he, and any children that we hoped to have for that matter, was my heart and soul. So he became my Little Brown Boy.

This went on for about 4 years, until one day he asked, "Mommy, why do you call me Little Brown Boy? My friends keep asking me and I don't know why."

Me: "Well, first of all you tell your friends that Little Brown Boy is your mommy's nickname for you, and only I can call you that. Ok?"

Him: "Yes ma'am. But why?"

Me: "Well, aren't you little?"

*Yes.

*Aren't you 'brown' like a crayon?

* yes ma'am!!

*And, aren't you a BOY?

* YES, MA'AM! I am a boy!

*OK! There you go! You're my Little Brown Boy! And it's because I love you!

*I love you, too, Mommy!

Well, when the twins came along, I started using various nicknames for them. Because we were still in the pre-adoption phase, we did not have permission to use their 'new' names until parental rights had been terminated. So for the first seven months, our little man was solely called 'Buttons' (because he had a sweet button nose). We could not come up with a single, fitting nickname for our little miss, so she was 'Myrtle', 'Sweetpea', 'Dollface', 'Sugarfoot' (which was MY nickname that my Uncle Charlie gave me), 'Pooh', 'Diva' (the one that did fit her best)....basically ANYTHING that fell out of my mouth! Once TPR was complete, we began using their permanent names and my at home term of endearment for all 3 became my biscuit brown babies!

When Nich entered 4th grade, his teacher Melonie Reed overheard me call him Little Brown Boy one afternoon, and, like most people, inquired why. I shared my nickname story; she smiled and said, "Now, Mom, he's getting older. You shouldn't use nicknames that will embarrass him in front of his peers." As a teacher, I knew she was right; I had waved my finger at many a parent for calling his/her child by a family/childhood nickname once entering public school. But he was my heart...my baby...what was I going to do???

When I shared my and Mrs. Reed's conversation with Nich, he replied, "Well, Mom. What are you going to do? You've always called me L.B.B. And I really am not that little anymore; I'm big. So I guess I'll be your Big Brown Boy, and Sean can be Little Brown Boy."

As they grew and although slightly modified, their nicknames became a little more private - using them primarily at home and/or when I needed to identify them on social media platforms. But regardless of when or where I used the names, they were always ALWAYS my term of endearment for my three heartbeats: Oldest brown , Diva, and Little Brown.

 Grab a

In my youth, I called myself a nerd because I didn't do, act, behave exactly like everyone around me. As an adult I have oftentimes said I was strange...an odd-bird...just different than other adults my age...yes, I've even said I was weird. Don't worry... I know/knew friends never perceived me as any of those connotations (at least to my face). So I taught my students and raised my three browns to be the exact same way (because THIS generation can be a little bit 'extra' but I digress)... I told them, especially oldest brown, that it was okay NOT to be like everyone else; they could be in the in-crowd, yet not do 'everything' the in-crowd does.

This last week has taught me alot about myself. I do express myself, act, react and, yes, BEHAVE differently than others in extreme situations. No, I have not been a constant weeping mess when visitors arrived. That doesn't mean I haven't cried, because I have ....gallons and gallons....and I won't stop in the foreseeable future. No I'm not suppressing my feelings and emotions when people embrace me (as one of our first visitors alleged last week when I didn't sob on demand you are not going to force me to cry ...but I digress again!). This quote fits me to a totally straight, UPPERCASE T : I am not defective, weird, or a lost cause...I am resilient. And that is not a bad thing....

Late night scare

I had gone to bed relatively late (for me), and still was not sleepy. So I turned on YouTube, and started watching some videos. I had put on jammies, had my nightly water, and had put my phone in the charger. It had gone into sleep mode like normal; I have it set to received no notifications or calls from anyone EXCEPT Turk, the kids, Courtney, Wanda, and Trina. But there are times that it glitches, and I have to reset it. So, if I'm awake, I will glance at it to make sure I haven't missed a text or call from the kids. I was so glad that I did.....

When I glanced at the phone, I see LB's tiny pic at the top. I immediately think, "good grief. He needs gas money again." I open the text.....it was not a text. It was an alert - a CRASH ALERT - from our OnStar Guardian app that a crash had been detected, giving the location, emergency personnel had been notified, along with me and Turk because we were LBs ICE contacts. This had happened once before when he ran off the road avoiding a deer. I call his phone....no answer. I hang up and call again....no answer. Between these two calls, I had gotten out of bed, went to the bathroom, gotten completely dressed, yelled for Turk, grabbed my keys, and was out the front door. All in less than 45 seconds. I am behind the wheel, calling 911 (to see if they are there yet and have their hands/eyes on him) and Turk is now making his 3rd call to Sean (still no answer). I assure 911 dispatch that we are on the way; she takes my name an number in case they need me....😳😱

Friends and family here know that he still works in Oak Ridge....a 15 minute drive at best from our house (2 minutes on residential streets and 13 minutes on the loop. Mrs. Misher you will be proud of me again....I ran no red lights). But I went from 29 N to 68, going 80, in less than 10 minutes. Turk had opened the directions of where he was according to OnStar. But I knew the exact location because of working in the area, going out to OR to see them or pick them up when they were in school.

When we arrive at the location, there was NOTHING. No fire truck, no police, no EMS, and worst of all, NO LB! Just the quiet little Sheetz on the side of the road at 1 a.m. Now I am really scared - still gripping the steering wheel and trying not to shake....too much. Thats when Turk's phone rings from an unknown number....he answers...."Hi, Daddy. I'm okay. I left my phone on top of my car and drove off. I cracked my phone. But I'm ok." 😳😵‍💫 He was at a friend's house, chilling, but sent us the address so we could lay eyes on him. 

I drove to the friend's place (going the speed limit this time), and there he was, standing in the parking lot, in true LB fashion...all smiles😁 He gives his daddy a hug through the open window, comes to my side and pretty much crawls into my lap🥹😭 "Gosh, Mommy. You got here fast!" (Son, you have no idea.....) Him: "When I got back to Sheetz, there were 2 fire trucks, an ambulance, and 2 police cars. I was like ALL THIS FOR ME?? 😁😳 I told them what had happened, and that I was very sorry. I forgot it alerts you too, Mommy. I tried to call and catch you, but I couldn't."

We got back home at 1:40. Still shaking, I could hardly walk into the house. I thank Roxann for still being up (PT) so she could talk me down. LB text me when he was on his way home and told me to rest well; I watched him on the app until he pulled into his driveway. I finally fell asleep at 4 something, but Turk was still up. Roxann and I both said, if these kids only knew.... we both said that our kids (her 2 and my 3) understand to some degree that we would do for them. But I think after tonight, LB understands just a little bit more....❤️

College Colors Day

Long post, so scroll on now or settle back with your coffee/tea: I grew up in small factory town in southwestern Virginia. I was my mother's youngest of 3, my grandmother's youngest of 21👶🏾. The closest 1st cousin in age to me was 14 when I was born (yes, I have 2nd cousins older than me!). My sister left for college (A&T - Aggie Pride!) when I was 2; my brother left (Vrginia State - Trojans!!) when I was 4🥹. So from birth, between my siblings, cousins and neighbors, all I heard/comprehended was school and college👏🏾👏🏾. I could complete 40 and 50 piece puzzles at 2; I could read, write, and acquired a thirst for knowledge by age 3. I poured through our antiquated set of encyclopedias almost daily. Yes, my post about substituting in a 12th grade English/summer school class at 3 is true. 😄🤣 Therefore, my love for learning and teaching started even before I set foot in a school (I thank Doc and Lula Johnson for that!❤️) 

My mama told me (later in life) it was around that time when adults asked what I wanted to be, I said "I want to be a teacher when I grew up, and I wanted to go to Virginia Tech to do it!" She had no idea where I heard about Virginia Tech (maybe from a news report on TV or an article in the newspaper - yes, I read the newspaper daily before she or my aunt). She wanted all three of her children to go to college, so she had no doubts that I would eventually achieve my goal.

Fast forward 14 years (often switching career ideas, but still saying that I would go to Tech), and I was granted the opportunity to spend the week at Virginia Tech via the Upward Bound Program. 😱👏🏾👏🏾 I was in HEAVEN!!! I roamed the campus almost everyday, staring at the huge buildings and classrooms, picturing myself walking across the drill field going to class, soaking it all in. THERE was where I should be! ❤️🧡🙏🏾 I returned home and cruised through my senior year of high school. I attended college nights held at school; Mama always pushed to me visit tables and rooms for other colleges (Sweet Briar, ODU, VCU, A&T, UNC-G), but I went to the Virginia Tech room FIRST.❤️🧡 

For weeks I practiced completing college applications until it was time (Jan.) to make a solid decision - to which schoolS would I send applications? Even though *I* only wanted to mail in ONE ❤️🧡, Mama made me mail two. 😳🥺🫣 I did and waited...and waited...and waited. I made a solemn promise and vow to myself (and to my Granny - she knew my heart) that if I didn't get accepted at my first choice, I was not going to college. Knowing that was NOT an option for Ruby, I waited😳🫣...and prayed.🙏🏾 

Mid-March a large, FLAT envelope arrived from UNC-G. Accepted...🥹Nice 😐 Mama was happy because I was close to home and closer to my sister. 😑👏🏾 The college looked forward to hearing from me to further my enrollment process. Lovely 😑🫥😶😶‍🌫️ ...I'll wait. Near the end of March, my financial aid award letter arrived....with grants and scholarships galore (!!!!) and asked that I contact them by xx date with my college information so they could forward my information. Sweet...🥰😳🥹😶🫥😶‍🌫️...I have some time, so I'll wait. 

A few days later I come home from school...Granny met me at the door (nothing unusual) with a sly smile on her face 😐 😏 "You have mail" She said. 😳 Granny could not read, but she KNEW mail - bills mail, junk mail, and important mail😳🫣 There on the ottoman, nicely separated, was the daily mail - the bills, the junk...and a large, THICK business envelope from Virginia Tech! 😄👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾❤️🧡 As the saying goes, the rest was history.

I have been asked many times (by strangers), "Did you go to Virginia Tech?" ONE person added to his question, "...or do you just LIKE them?" 😳😡 My answer has always been, "I said at 5 that I wanted to go to Virginia Tech. I did that, AND I GRADUATED in 1987." To the other stranger, I added, "where did you go?" 😳 I got no answer...he walked away. 😆

Thanks for reading....😁😅

#virginiatech #Hokie #hokienation #virginiatechhokies #hokie4allofmylife  #maroonandorange #yesididgraduatefromvt  #CollegeColorsDay

Wishes and Dreams

I come from  relatively large extended family; even though I only had two siblings, we had LOTS of cousins. Holidays meant a full house with everyone stopping by to see our grandmother, lots of food, laughter and stories of long ago. Turk's family experience was just the opposite; after his father passed in 1970, his family consisted of he, his mother and older brother. Their holidays were either spent in South Carolina at his paternal grandfather's home with distant cousins with no inner connectedness or sentimental memories of times gone by. I couldn't imagine a life without family around; he, after spending one Thanksgiving with me and being spoiled, wanted what I had.....a LARGE family!

So like most newlyweds, all we could think about, talk about, wish about was starting a family. Because I had not used birth control in YEARS, we assumed it would be an easy task to get pregnant; we even practiced how we would tell our families. We suspect that I miscarried a few weeks after our wedding because I fainted while preparing breakfast. But after a year of trying to conceive and talking with my gynecologist, we started fertility testing; I remember my doctor's words as clear a day...."We'll start with Turk. Men are harder to fix. If it's him, then we can stop, and we start talking about alternatives." Alternatives??? What alternatives??? And what alternatives could we afford??? We might have had twelve cents to our names; we couldn't afford anything outside the natural way of having a baby! And even that was suspect some days....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

We were matched with a urologist in Winston-Salem who specialized in infertility treatments; Dr. Cee scheduled a testicular biopsy to determine the quantity and viability of our 'little swimmers'. He told us that after the results came back, and based on motility, we could discuss harvesting sperm..."Every man has viable sperm; we just sometimes have to go in and find them". Find them????!!!! It was quite obvious that Dr. Cee was used to working with infertile couples who had the monetary means to search for sperm and, once found, continue on with invitro fertilization. Once we got home and talked, we decided to wait on the results and then go one from there.

A few days later, as I was talking with a friend, the phone beeped with another call coming in. I switched over and heard my gynecologist's voice on the other end. He had received Turk's test results from the biopsy, and they weren't what we had hoped. There was zero sperm motility. The urologist deduced that when Turk was a child and one testicle did not descend, the heat of the human body destroyed all sperm cells. He was 99.9% sterile. My husband and I would never have children, together, biologically.

My gynecologist extended his condolences and told us to take some time to mourn; he would be more than willing to talk with us, when we were ready, about what we could do next. Not truly understanding how we could mourn something that we didn't - and wouldn't - ever have, we did begin to talk about how we could create our dream home and family...what to do next. 



Going back to move forward.....

After many years, as more and more of my childhood seems to dwindle away, I feel it is time to start documenting that part of my past, my first family, as well as my present family. By the time I came along, my granny did not share much of our family's past as she may have with my older cousins. It is my hope that they can remember some stories that she or my grandfather may have told. Many years ago, I started a family tree on Ancestry.com. As births/deaths/marriages occurred or as I found new information, I have updated my tree. I cannot say that I would or could write to the level of Alex Haley, but it is my hope to one day find more information about our family, possibly tracing us back to some African shore. Wish me luck!

Wingfield family tree

'I got TWO BABIES!'

During my summer break I always watch  'Adoption Story' to see other families during their adoption journey. There was one episode that highlighted an adoption through the agency that helped us with Nicholas. I've watch the show for some years, remembering our adoptions and what blessings the kids have brought us.

The channel has discontinued the show so now I mainly watch 'A Baby Story' on TLC to see how others felt when they felt when pregnant/delivering. I'll never experience pregnancy or childbirth....something that I miss not being able to experience as a woman.

Today, while watching 'A Baby Story' a couple delivered their second child and brought him home to meet his older brother. I almost immediately went into memory mode and recalled the day we brought the twins home.....

Planning to adopt again, we had to prepare Nicholas for siblings. He had had us to himself for almost 4 years, so, not knowing what age, sex or emotional/physical need of the child we would be blessed with, he had to be ready to share. So each day one of us would ask, "Nicholas, do you want a brother or sister?" He would think for a moment, then smile and say, "A brother!" Well, this went on for a month.... Then, one day, when I asked on the way home from daycare, "Nicholas, do you want a brother or sister?" he replied, "A sister!" I was so caught off guard that I had to stop! "Really?? Why, honey?" He grinned and said, "You can dress her up pretty and I can feed her!" How cute!

So the daily questioning continued, always getting the same response and reason. Then one day....
"Nicholas, do you want a brother or a sister?"
"I want both!"
<I had to stop the car!>
"BOTH????! Son, why both????"
" A'cause then you'll have one and Daddy'll have one. And when Daddy is at work I can feed one."
"Well, son, it doesn't quite work that way....."
"But I want both! Why can't I have both?"
"Because it just doesn't, sweetie...."
"Well, I still want both."

Well, we were contacted about the placement of the twins (I have posted about my dream....) we decided not to say anything to Nicholas until they came home. Even though he was with me during all the afternoon shopping, prepping, washing, drying, folding, putting together and such, he seemed oblivious to what all the hullabaloo was about. Bless his heart!

The morning of the pick up, we took Nicholas to day care as usual; we wanted one more normal day for him. We drove to the hospital, spent an exhaustingly long morning and afternoon in the NICU and finally left close to 3 p.m., with a car seat and car bed in the back of our little Blazer...BARELY enough room between the two for my first baby boy (thankfully he was in a booster because of his SIZE!) :) We took the twins home, fed and changed them, and got them settled in the crib....Nicholas' old crib in his old room.

During the ride home....
"Nicholas, do you want a little brother or a little sister?" (I had never included that adjective before; although I was determined to keep him the oldest as his adoption-right, with adoption that's never a certainty.....until now)
"I want both, Mommy. One for me and Daddy and one for you."
"Ok. Well, I have a surprise for you when we get home."
"You DO!? Is it ice cream?" (Bless his heart)
"No. Something better."

When we got home, I told him to go upstairs and look in his old room for his surprise. He crept up the stairs, looking around, expecting I guess to see 'something somewhere'. He walked into the room, peeked into the crib, and with sheer delight in his voice, he squealed, "I got TWO BABIES!!!!"